Fix Or Repair Daily
AUDREY sits on the stage, possibly tapping a foot or looking at her watch. She is waiting.
FORD finally comes onstage. Tie askew, a little sweaty maybe, looking worse for the wear.
AUDREY Well? You do it?
FORD Yeah. Yeah I did it.
AUDREY He’s dead?
beat. Ford just sits there, staring.
Hallelujah! Oh happy fucking day! Feedom!
FORD Really? I’m glad I wasn’t married to you. He seemed like a nice guy. A real man. A real standup fella. It’s makin’ me question myself, you know. Making me rethink my vocation...AUDREY
(Rising.) You did me a service, big fella. You did the world good. Henry was okay, but nobody’ll miss him. Nobody at all.
FORD Nobody? What about the little girl that was plastered all over the walls? That he had a wallet full of pictures of? What about her? Is she nobody?
AUDREY She’s young, and strong like her mommy. She’ll forget the dead weight.
FORD "Dead weight". Fuck. That makes it even worse. So she IS his kid? He has a fucking child? I not only killed a man, shot him in the head as he said, "If it’s my time, bud, go ahead and shoot. The Lord gives and He takes away. I’m at peace. I hope you can be someday. Here’s my wallet. Don’t want you to get into the blood after I go down. It’ll help you get away. I hope you can start a new life at the expense of mine." Then he just smiled this fucking benign smile like he fucking loved me. Like he fucking understood. I not only killed that dude
that seemed like he would have been the kind of guy that’d invite me over for a barbecue and hand me an ice cold beer as I walked into the fucking door and he steered me to a seat in front of the big screen or the pool or whatever the fuck I was into, no, I didn’t only destroy one of the last men left in this country, I destroyed a childhood you fucking selfish cunt. (It’s obvious AUDREY is about to lose her cool somehow at this point.) For what? Some alligator-tear havin bitch with a few grand and a smile. Fuck you. Truly fuck you in the...
AUDREY Listen you bleeding-heart Lifetime-movie-sounding bastard, you don’t know what I’ve went through. You don’t know how hard I have worked and for how long. Fucking keeping his clothes washed and his dinner cooked, fucking wiping that brats snot-nose while all he ever did was dote on her. "Thanks, Aud, you’re the best. Now I am going to go spend the rest of the fucking night playing castles and princesses with this little booger-farmer while you are left alone to watch HBO movies where men actually care if their women are satisfied and fantisize about some fat, sweaty piece of shit coming in here and shooting me in my faggot head." You don’t know what it’s like to go from being someone’s world to their second best because of some little parasite that he squirted into me and I birthed and nursed. Fuck him. May he fucking rot, and my daughter not grow up to be some idealistic little puss-bag who stands there and tells their killer how they’re gonna fucking pray for him or what-the-fuck-ever. No. No. Fuck you, you simple minded fuck. Fuck you for trying to make me feel bad about this. (Pulls out a fat envelope. Tosses it at Ford’s face.) Here you poor, sad, son-of-a-bitch. Go buy yourself a bottle, a burger, and a whore. That’s what your type wants right? That’s all you want. Or did you expect me to kiss your fucking feet? Did you expect me to cry and fucking bow before you like I owed you my life and to be sad for my poor dead fucking husband. "My heeeeero!" Well, this ain’t the movies, And I’m finally getting what I deserve, Chevy, or Buick, or whatever fucking car you’re named after. Grow a pair and the fuck up, then maybe you can graduate from hired gun goon to drug pusher you peice of filth. (AUDREY turns and walks away.)
FORD pulls a pistol from his suit, points it at AUDREY’s retreating head.
FORD Hey. Look at me. I don’t shoot people in the back. (AUDREY turns. Looking at the gun, she freezes.)
AUDREY Think about what you are doing! Think about my baby! I have a child! Where will she go? What will she do? Everything I said was... (He pulls back the hammer which stops her cold.)
FORD Save your breath, bitch. Your baby’ll be perfectly happy with her daddy who loves her. (AUDREY begins to question him. He talks over her) She’ll remember her mommy fondly instead of as the bitch she was. And she will become a idealistic little puss-bag and hopefully make a difference in this world. As I have decided to. You’re right, you are getting what you deserve. (He fires one shot right into her head. He begins to walk offstage past her as she is dying.) By the way, my name
Thanks for reading! Jesus loves you and so do I. (Yes. I am a foul-mouthed "hypocrite" for typing His name after something with such LANGUAGE... *sigh* )